Developing Habits & Manners
Disciplining ChildrenMost of us use power oriented style while disciplining children. Assuming that yielding the rod alone will bear fruit, we have little inclination towards reasoning. Even after repeated explanations when the child does not stop the odious behavior, parents will resort to threats and reprimands. The age of child also makes a difference. It is easier to reason with older children, while the younger pre-school ones need power assertion in most of the situations. Yet a lot depends on the child's own personality too. It has been discovered that affection-oriented way of disciplining is more effective as it enhances the child's moral values and behavior. It also promotes the sense of personal responsibility. The affection oriented technique has positive and long-lasting consequences. One of the reasons is that, when parents use this style for disciplining, they help the child to focus on the feelings of others and this evokes concern. They appeal to the child's emotions. Along with this, when the parents explain the rule, it gives information to the child against which he/she can judge his/her actions and use it to guide their future behavior. Ideally, the method of disciplining should be such that it leads the child to internalize the behavior.
When a child does the right things only when others are watching, he/she is doing so only to please them or to avoid punishment. Of course, in early years the factor that operates in the child's mind is , "What will my mother/teacher say if I do this?" But as the child grows older, this reliance upon external factors to control one's behavior must shift to internal control, so that the child feels the desire to do the right for rights sake. Raising one's hands, holding ears, or kneeling down is no permanent solution to any mistake the child makes. Now, won't you like to change your style of disciplining.
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Tips on Disciplining the Child
- Better discipline ? Train parents , then children : Some researchers believe discipline is being applied to children when it should first be applied to their parents.
- Before parents can become effective disciplinarians, they must first learn how to manager their own anger, solve problem situations. There were recent findings which suggest that most parents can , with a little help, improve the behavior of difficult children .
- Parents who are sensitive to their children's needs have more obedient children.
- Praise and love alone are not enough to instill good behavior. Too much permissiveness hurts a child's self-esteem and parent-child relationship, leading to more problems .
- Spanking is not only ineffective, it may erode the child's self-esteem and parent-child relationship, leading to more problems later.
- Ensure health, safety and good nutrition. Breast-feed if possible, make sure your child has regular check-ups, and timely immunizations, safety-proof the places where your children play.
- Develop a warm and a caring relationship with your children. Show them that you care deeply. Help them feel safe and secure.
- Respond to your each child's clues and cues. Hold them; play with them in a way that lets you follow their lead. Pull back when they seem to have enough stimulation.
- Recognize that each child is unique. Please remember that from birth each child has a different temperament and every child grows at his/her own pace. Have positive expectations about what children can do and hold onto the belief that every child can succeed.
- Talk, read and sing to your children. Surround them with language. Maintain an ongoing conversation of what they are doing. Provide reading and writing materials that may include crayons and paper, books, magazines and toys.
- Encourage a safe exploration and play - Give your children opportunities to move around and explore and play. Be prepared to step in if they are at risk of hurting themselves or others. Allow them to explore relationships. Arrange for your children to play with other children. Help them to solve conflicts on their own.
- Use discipline to teach. Talk to your children about what they seem to be feeling and teach them words to describe those feelings. Make it clear that you may not like her/his behavior but you love her/him. Explain the rules and consequences.
- Establish routines. Create routines and rituals for special times like mealtime, naptime and bedtime. Try to be predictable so that your children can count on you.
- Become involved in childcare and preschool. From time to time especially during transitions, spend time with your children.
- Limit television. Make sure that your children are watching programs that will teach them things you want them to learn.
- Take care of yourself. You can best care for your young Children when you are cared for as well.
Some suggestions to promote positive social relationships
- Read books, listen to music and view videos with friendship themes
- Have children draw pictures of themselves playing with friends
- Make a list of what friends do and what friendship means
- Discuss how it feels when a playmate moves away, create going-away friendship books
- Encourage cross-gender friendships
- Purchase toys, books, games and materials that encourage sharing, empathy and cooperation
- Plan joyful "get-togethers"
- Provide opportunities for your child to play with other children-whether in your neighborhood, or in a nearby park, Encourage your child to be a member of children's groups or participate in various activities.
How To Not Make Your Child A Delinquent
- Begin early - in infancy - by giving the child everything he wants . This is the way to make him grow up to believe that the world owes him a living .
- When he picks up bad words laugh at him . This will make him think he is cute .
- Never give him religious training . Wait till he is 21 and then let him decide for himself .
- Never point out the wrong . It may develop a guilt complex or condition him to believe when he is arrested for stealing that society is against him and he is being persecuted .
- Pick up everything he leaves lying around . Do everything for him . He will then be experienced in throwing all responsibility on others .
- Let him read anything he can get his hands on. Keep the house clean but let his mind feast on garbage.
- Quarrel frequently in the presence of your children . Then they won't be too shocked when the home breaks up later .
- Give the child pocket money he wants . Why should he not have things as much as he likes..
- Give him everything he wants to eat and drink . Surfeit him with sweets . Denial may lead to harmful frustration .
- Always take his side against neighbors, teachers and policemen . They are all prejudiced against your child .
- When he gets into real trouble excuse yourself by saying : " I never could do anything with him."
- Prepare for a life of grief . You are likely to have it.