JOKES




Rajni was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of the Insurance policy with the clerk at the Insurance Agency. During the discussion , she asked. " Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today  and tomorrow he dies ? what will I get?

The clerk eyed her suspiciously and replied " A Life Sentence".

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Customer : "I'd like to try on that dress  in the window."

Assistant : "I'm sorry, madam, you'll have to use the fitting room like everybody else."

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A man died and went to heaven. When he got to the
Pearly Gate, St. Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to higher literacy on earth. To gain admission, one must answer two questions:

( 1) : Name the two days of the week that begin with " T " and 2. How many seconds in a year?

The man thought for a few minutes and answered : 1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow, and 2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

St. Peter said : " OK. I shall by the Today and Tomorrow, even though it is not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"

The man replied : " Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd etc......."

Saint Peter let him in without another word.

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A pretty girl was looking at a large collection of greeting cards labeled, " For your sweet-heart". She read each card before rejecting it. Finally she settled on one which simply on one which simply said- "Because I  Love Only You."

Shyly, she held the card up, turned to the shopkeeper and said, "Please give me a dozen of these."

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A young girl walked up to an elderly woman who appeared to be the matron of the boys' hostel and said:

"I wish to meet Shubham Jain. May I go to his room?"

"And who are you?" asked the woman.

"I am his sister", declared the girl.

"Well, I am very glad to meet you my dear," said the woman, "I am his mother".

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Every night my wife covers her face in a mud pack and puts her hair in rollers.

" Does it help?"

" A little. But I can still tell it's her."

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Children's views about love and romance:

HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE? 

"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour." -- Wendy, age 8

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CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE.

  "One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." -- Andrew, age 6
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfumes and deodorants are so popular." -- Mae, age 9
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." -- Manuel, age 8

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ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE 

"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." -- John, age 9
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." -- Glenn, age 7

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ON THE ROLE OF BEAUTY AND HANDSOMENESS IN LOVE

 "It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." -- Brian, age 7
"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." -- Christine, age 9

 

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REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE

 "Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too." Greg, age 8

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HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE? 

"Mushily ... like puppy dogs ... except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much." -- Arnold, age 10
"All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark." -- Sherm, age 8

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CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS 

"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." -- Gavin, age 8
"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matrimony thing." -- John, age 9

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CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE 

"Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place ... We were behind a tree." -- Carey, age 7
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." -- Dave, age 8
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." Regina, age 10

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THE PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD LOVER 

"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." -- Ava, age 8

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SOME SURE FIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." -- Del, age 6
"Shake your hips and hope for the best." -- Camille, age 9
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." -- Bart, age 9

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HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?

"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." Bobby, age 9
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold...Other people care more about the food." -- Bart, age 9
"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up." -- Sarah, age 9
"See if the man has lipstick on his face." -- Sandra, age 7
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are --- on fire." -- Christine, age 9

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HOW WAS KISSING INVENTED?

 "I know one reason that kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses." -- Gina, age 8

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HOW CAN A PERSON LEARN TO KISS?

"You can have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken dolls." Julia, age 7
"It might help to watch soap operas all day." -- Carin, age 9

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WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

"When they're rich." -- Pam, age 7
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you...That's why I stopped doing it." -- Tammy, age 7
"If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it's a new person, you have to ask permission." -- Roger, age 6
"I look at kissing like this: Kissing is fine if you like it, but it's a free country and nobody should be forced to do it." -- John, age 7

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HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE?

 "Don't forget your wife's name ... That will mess up the love." -- Erin, age 8

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